Author: growingtakata

I feel really grateful that I get to take part in training courses at work, for free. We are actively encouraged to take time to develop ourselves, through coaching, Linked In learning and trainers.

One course we did a while ago was called the ‘Five Voices’, the theory is that we tend to have a leading voice and the other 4 fall in line behind that. Each voice has tendencies.

On this scale my leading voice is a ‘Connector’, this means I focus on the future, speak a lot and don’t listen too much. It is totally true. Part of the exercise that taught us this new way of thinking invited the ‘voices’ to work together, the ‘Connectors’ were a bit of a disaster at getting the task completed. We spoke too much, interrupted each other, sought first to be understood then to understand (sorry Covey) and generally spent too much time communicating and not enough doing.

There is no ‘best’ voice of the five but each one blends together to form very different areas of focus in teams.

As a consequence of this course I now try to spend more time trying to understand where people are coming from rather than explaining my point. It is a helpful thing and obvious to a lot of people.

My weakest voice is a ‘Guardian’ this is the one who likes to keep things just as they are, they like a very clearly defined process (which is funny as I love a good process and spreadsheet). When I communicate, it means I have to actively dial up the area that looks back to the past and celebrates it, and then demonstrates how things will be today before leading into future visions (my comfort zone).

I am grateful to have learned through the Five Voices and believe it would help anyone who takes a quick scan of the theory online. Communicating with others is a key life skill and can be a source of great joy and great loss.

Check it out and see if you can work out your loved ones voice, if you speak to that, it will go even better.

I aim to tread lightly on the Earth and believe we should all strive for this.

Gaining status through possessions is a long tradition and one that sadly shows no signs of abating.

It is confusing that the rich act like they are poor and people with limited cash spend like they think the rich do.

We have always been careful with money and tried to make it work for us, not against us. We almost never buy a coffee out of the house. I limit my purchases to essentials and replacements. I don’t have a lot of clothes. We don’t drive fancy cars.

We don’t have a lot of stuff.

I do love to go through each room looking specifically for things I can remove. It is liberating to clear out three bags to charity. Things I will never have to pick up, wipe, fix or think about ever again.

I love the feeling of knowing the cupboards and drawers are not rammed. I can look into spaces behind doors and see everything in there. I can reach things with one hand. We don’t have an abundance of ‘just in case items’.

It jangles my nerves when the surfaces are covered, the cupboards are hap hazard and the kids floors have things ‘resting’ on them.

Mrs Slimmer for clutter, organising and having a relaxing home to live in is achieved and maintained through 3 simple rules.

1, Everyday aim to release one thing into the Universe and away from you.

2, Spend 5 minutes everyday putting things where they live.

3, Don’t buy anything unless you know where it is going to live and that it will work hard for you.

You don’t need things to have a great life, in fact, you need to not have things to have a great life.

People, places and memories are the only ‘things’ truly worth having.

Will you use the rules to get to a better you?

Act today to give yourself the very best tomorrow.

As part of some desk research today I found that the communication ratio of 7:35:58 (words, tone, body language) is altered when communicating on the phone.

On the phone the ratio becomes 25% words and 75% tone though there was no research reference and I only found the figure once.

I read that you should stand up to call to raise your energy. You should smile, you should wait 4 seconds at the end of every sentence to allow the prospect to speak. You should ask checking questions frequently, more frequently than you need when you can read a face to check for understanding and or continued interest.

After the search up I did wonder, is there really still a place in the world for cold calls?

I’m not a big fan of talking on the phone, I love a text message or a What’s app but I don’t think I’ve answered a phone call more than once per month for the last few years. Antisocial? Maybe a little, but I still manage to see friends and family regularly and could argue that I see them more because we don’t speak unless we’re physically together. Though I do Zoom, FaceTime and Skype but not as a replacement phone, more for social distancing and relatives living abroad.

When making a decision about a purchase it is really helpful to get some advice. But we tend to get this advice from friends first and then the specialist when we have all but made up our minds.

What do we really need sales people for these days? Do they make a difference? Isn’t there so much information on the Internet that you can make these buying decisions yourself?

I know some people like to be ‘lathered in customer service’ (I heard a man say these actual words when complaining to a friend about a holiday stay that resulted in a ten page letter of complaint – 10 pages, I wonder if the hotel counted them and noted that it must be a serious complaint from a very important person who made time to vent a spleen in a long and protracted format to then boast about it to others). I do not look for customer service, I look for good value and a fair and honest exchange.

The high street is pretty much dead, so although we consume more goods now than ever before, we buy most of it online trusting other peoples reviews.

It’s a lovely experience being sold to well, it is just a rare thing.

I am definitely buying, but I just don’t really need the ‘person’ selling anymore.

This is where we are headed.

I like to consider myself a champion of the environment. We run reliable old cars, we save 50% of our income, we make mindful purchases.

So why do we have a hot tub?

Thank you Covid for causing Air France to cancel our flights to Madagascar. Forced lockdown and an impulse purchase-able Hot tub in Tesco and here we are. Well actually, we received a photo of said hot tub, 3 children plus one adult cried ‘buy buy buy’ but the text message was missed. A next day early trip to beat the Covid queues secured our ownership of the Lay Z Boy tub.

I have read in scientific journals about the impact of a sauna three times a week on longevity. I am hoping that immersing myself in water twice per day has a similar impact.

Since I now don’t drive into the office 5 days a week I have saved over an hour a day and use this bonus time for a relaxing soak. How is that for a swap-out!? I don’t know if it is the heat of a sauna or the act of total relaxation combined with an inability to do anything else that shows a correlation with a longer life but I am hopeful it is a bit of both.

Covid weather in UK has been one very long, sunny and hot ‘summer’ and the purchase of the tub was a fraction of the cost of the flights to Madagascar never mind the internal flights, accommodation and food.

I have no intention of taking a flight anywhere for the rest of this year. Financially the decision was straightforward. I do now feel less good about the impact on the environment.

Is there a website dedicated to the carbon footprint impact of the choices we make? Does saving five flights to Madagascar plus internal flights add up to more or less of heating up a large body of water in my UK back yard? I am not sure, but I do wonder.

So ‘environmental champion’ one who treads lightly on the earth, do I add up or am I a terrible hypocrite? I am not sure about that. But I am sure that a morning soak after exercise and an evening soak either after work or after dinner has been the biggest accelerator of joy my life has experienced since having my children.

I am outside in my tub as a type this on my phone, life doesn’t get much better than this.

Can you get a hot tub? If you can, I for one, would highly recommend it!

I like to complete 30 day challenges. A pod cast possibly from Tim Ferris first introduced me the the theory and it has the ability to have a significant (positive) impact on ones life.

Committing a short burst of energy is an exciting and motivating thing to do. It is important to pick something you are interested to learn about, want to try or want to experiment with the impact of a particular regime.

A 30 day challenge is a great way to introduce something you want to do but are struggling to fit it in, like meditation. (I am hit and miss with meditation, I always feel the benefit when I do it consistently but as soon as I feel better I let it drop again!) To fit in meditation I woke up 30 minutes earlier and started a free introduction on Headspace and then moved onto Waking up by Sam Harris. Having the time and space to reflect on what I really want from life gave me the impetus to start http://www.MrsSlimmer.com

Thirty day challenges, my husband or I have tried

45 minutes of French per day

10 minutes of tidying up

20 mins Cardio or weight exercise

Bed at 10:30

Read before sleep

Do not take my phone into my bedroom

No sweetner in coffee

No Facebook for social use

No Instagram for social use

Contact a friend

Intermittent fasting

These are all fun things to try. Following on from the 30 day challenge, for the changes I like and want to continue I set daily reminders in the Todoist app. This is a great app based on ‘Getting Things Done’. It may seem to lack spontaneity but since I take half an hour every morning for me, I review how I am doing against what I said I wanted to do, I get to feel positive everyday. Of course there are days that I miss, we miss, can’t be bothered or something comes up, work, child etc, but it is the intention setting and getting there which seems to be the biggest lift.

I can’t speak for you but as a working mother (despite having a wonderful stay at home Dad) I find that I am the one who never got time alone, never got time in the house just to float around. I needed time and space to focus on me. Starting with meditation calmed my mind to allow the important things to float to the top. For years I have wanted to help other people on their journey through life. A small change in waking up early (admittedly a bit tough at first) has had enormous ramifications – I got on with it. To get out of bed I rewarded myself with the sheer indulgence of meditating. We will come on to rewards later.

Mr Slimmer and I tie the 30 days into the months and are a bit flexible about it, it doesn’t always start on the first day of the month and doesn’t always go for the full 30 days, but it is there or there about. You can start any day of the week or the month the principle is still the same.

I would encourage you to start small. Some months I tried to do too many elements at one time and I gave up on all of them. Because of my alone time in the morning I can do all the things I want to before my day even starts for others. I love the feeling of being ahead and focusing on the important things first.

In summary you can do anything for thirty days. You can try a diet, then you have the rest of your life to decide if it’s for you or not. I love thinking about the years ahead and planning what elements I am going to try for 30 days. One time I’d like to try a 30 day fast. I’d also like to do 30 days of yoga on a beach – possibly not going to happen until I retire but I love the thought of it! I could work more flexibly and go on holiday for all summer and do it sooner. Endless possibilities.

What do you want to try for 30 days? And where will it take you?

New decision:

I refuse to watch movies that only have images of men on the advertorials.

If they can’t be bothered to include a woman who has enough lines to warrant being on the advertising, I’m not watching.

I am a feminist. As I get older I become more of one. I am not ashamed. I am not a man hater. I have many work colleagues and friends who are male feminists and I am please to know them.

The world needs to catch up.

We need to re name history. It says it all. His story, that’s where the word comes from. What about her story? And what about the minorities who have been completely overlooked for far too long?

Did you know that the first female self-made millionaire in America was a a black lady named C J Walker (excellent film about her on Netflix)? We should all know her name and celebrate her houses/businesses and contributions as we do great poets and thinkers of the generations.

The world has been ruled by white men for far too long. We need change and we need it soon. Are we strong enough to make the systems fair for more people? Or, are the ones in power happy to keep the biased status quo as long as possible?

I’m not really sure what is most annoying. White men in charge or female/ ethnic acceptance of minor improvements? A few more women in senior positions is still something to celebrate, when it should be the norm. Companies boasting about diversity when there are 2 people of different shades on the board, it’s not enough.

Women and ethnic minorities have a lot in common, we are overlooked and pacified with crumbs. How do we demand more? There is power in combining. There is energy and rights on all sides. How do we tip the scales to the side of justice and fairness for all? We have so far to go but I am determined that my girls and the children of my black and brown friends have the same opportunity as my own.

Am I annoyed? Yes.

Does the feeling ebb and flow? Yes.

Does the world need change? Yes.

Do I know what to do? No.

Would I like to know? Yes.

Can you help? Then let me know, please.

The world is waking up to the fact that sleep impacts almost every area of our lives. Weight, mental clarity, mood, memory, preference, patience, are there any things in this list you would like to affect positively? If yes, the answer can be as simple as sleep.

I know heaving yourself off the sofa and heading up to bed at 9 is not cool BUT it could be one of the biggest impact efforts you could make. Lying down and closing your eyes is a simple thing to do and can be rather lovely and wonderful.

More and more research is showing that too little sleep can have significant negative effects. Gone are the days that it was a badge of honour to boast about how little sleep you could survive on. So how do you get more sleep?

Some simple and effective tips are:

Get ready before you sit down to watch TV. It can seem like a mountain to climb going upstairs, putting your pyjamas on, brushing your teeth, making your bed, washing your face, physically moving to the room, all so difficult if you’ve already been relaxing for an hour or two. If you don’t want to sit around in your pyjamas then invest is some casual leisure wear that can double up as pyjamas. Doing the ‘work’ part of going to bed before relaxing is the number one way to get up to your bed more easily.

Take the TV out of your bedroom. It is all too easy to stay up late and watch another show because you are already lying in bed, we’ve all done the channel hop at midnight dreading the next day because we know we’ll be tired and making it worse by watching a re-run of Friends or BSG that we’ve seen at least three times before.

Don’t charge your phone next to your bed, just the act of setting your alarm on your smart phone can result in a considerably later bed time than you had in mind. Those clever tech guys have worked out a million ways to get you to click on one more page, and with no stop triggers and the seemingly weird ability of your phone to keep you awake for hours, it’s a tough nut to crack. Don’t take your phone in your bedroom, use an alarm clock if you need one, you can still buy them!

Find a great book source, reading before bed is one of the best methods to a) get you in there and b) put you to sleep. Don’t know what to read, there are simply millions of books out there so you need a good steer, ask your friends, there will be at least one who reads who can recommend what they like, look on the Internet, join a book club, anything. Borrow books from the library, if it’s an amazing book and you want to own a copy you can buy it later (if you must) and read it again. Don’t fill your house with the clutter of old books you will never read again, set them free to be enjoyed by others.

Habits and easing into the evening can help sleep for some, for me, a long winded ritual is not what I’m into before bed, with a busy life I have no issue getting to sleep but I can do things that sabotage me before I finally make it there.

Hot tub, there is evidence that a sauna three times a week is correlated with a longer life and I wonder if a deep hot bath has a similar impact, think Japanese ofuro style. One of my (life changing) treats is the purchase of an inflatable hot tub. I enjoy a dip in the evening and find it an amazing way to win down to listen the outside sounds and sometimes feel the cool of rain on my face while sitting in warm water, for me it’s magical and is the most relaxing thing I can do before going to bed.

Sleep apps – I did use one for a little while, it was helpful for telling me what my optimum bed time was (10:58) and how my sleep had been from a quality perspective. But for me, I started to get a little directed by the app rather than thinking for myself, it started my day with me being hyper aware of how I felt. For me I prefer to start my day with a meditation session and focusing on what I am grateful for, too much introversion for me personally is not a good thing. I would not rule the app out entirely though as it also showed me that the days I exercised more I had more REM sleep, the days I drank more alcohol it cut my restorative sleep considerably. So the app encouraged good hygiene factors related to sleep. Just for me I got to the point of diminished returns and an increased use of my phone at the end and start of my day which is ultimately a bad thing in my opinion. Good to learn more about you but then once you have that you can leave the app because ultimately you feel it when you’ve had a great nights sleepcompared to when you haven’t.

Like with any aspect of life, with a bit of focus you can improve it, try some of the tips above and review how you feel. Hopefully you already get the right amount of sleep most of the time. If the answer is not quite yet, I urge you to spend a bit of time on this as the returns far outweigh the effort.

Get thee to bed!

We are were we are today as a result of all the thousands of decisions we have made along the way.

Where to go on holiday, when to stop traditional schooling, what friends you spend time with, what you’ve read, who you’ve listened too, ideas in your core untested and unchecked, geography, history and all the influences you’ve been exposed to and exposed yourself too.

Wether it feels like it or not, you are 100% in charge of where you are right now, right this minute as you read this. Where are you? Do you feel safe? Do you feel satisfied? Do you feel confident? Do you feel good enough? Are you jealous? Is it easier for others? Are you where you want to be? What is your dream life? Are you moving towards it? What can you do today, right now to be closer to your dream state? Who do you need to talk to? What do you need to ask for? Don’t know what you want? You’ve got what serendipity and others thought would be good for you instead.

I spent some time thinking about my core values and key drivers in life, they are:

• Fair
• Honest
• Aspirational

My drivers are ‘value’ and ‘family’. Everything I do is motivated for the benefit of my husband and children, I am a provider and want to facilitate the best life I can for them. I am value driven and spend very judiciously. At work, I work hard to ensure things are as fair as they can be, I thrive in straight talking environments and I like to work with ambitions people who want to make a difference for good.

These are the principles and rules I live by. I have read a little of stoicism and also think about wisdom and courage. Knowing myself like this allows me to be consistent and easy for others to understand. It makes it easy for me when other people know and articulate what drives them.

Are you clear on your values? Do you know your internal guide that causes strong reactions that doesn’t affect others?

If you don’t, it’s hard to make decisions and decisions are the turns in the road of your life. Find your compass, find your road and walk it with childlike wonder.

See you on there, I’m the one in stripes.

I have a gilded life, I live with a wonderful man, I have 3 relatively normal children with no major issues. We have enough money to buy what we want when we want it. We have nice friends (when moving house we pushed ourselves out of our comfort zone and socialised pretty hard to make new ones in our new area). We have loving family. No health issues, a world full of possibilities. AND YET, I STILL COMPLAIN!!!

First world problems.

I complain about co-workers, I complain about drivers who get in my way, I complain about pedestrians daring to cross the road when I want to drive on it. I complain about an achy muscle when I’ve worked it too hard. I complain about feeling tired when I stayed up late to watch a great film. I complain about the weather, I complain about my shoes, I complain about complaining friends, I complain about people pulling out of plans. I complain about business travel.

I am actually a very positive person and feel completely in charge of my own destiny. So why do I choose to waste so much energy talking about stuff that doesn’t matter – I will almost certainly not think about ‘it’ again in a week or two.

I plan to focus on complaining less and understanding that people do their best and mean no harm. I don’t think this is an aim for perfection type of goal, more of a ‘I can improve on this’.

Does behaviour change emotions or do emotions change behaviour? The two are interlinked but if we can spend a little more time focusing on what we do want in our life rather than what we don’t the world would be a much more productive and positive place to be.

Complaining less starts now!